Wednesday, October 13, 2010

My Weakness

I have found my limit! I have found my red light. I've discovered what I CAN'T do.

I know that I CAN run a 200+ mile relay race over 2 days.
I can run my house. I can run 3 businesses at a time, be Relief Society president and full time mom all at once.
I can raise 4 crazy kids.
I can live through a ruptured tubal pregnancy (barely made that one!)
I can live through 11 miscarriages and make the decision to not try any more.
I can lose a house and car. Well, I know where they are- just not in my possession anymore.
I can lose our 3 businesses we worked so hard to make successful.
I can lose property and valuable "things".
I can live through parents getting divorced (although the stitches in my heart are still mending) (***EDIT: Ken and Chrys are still very much married and in love! I do consider Geoff's parents my own as well. Sorry about such confusion!!! Stop the gossip quickly!)
I can live through unkind things said about me and nurturing a budding desire to forgive.
I can move several hundred miles away from my parents who have lived down the street from me and my kids for 14 of our 16 years of marriage.
I can move away from all my friends who I love and admire.
I can live everyday wondering where the money will come from for the next bill.
I'm living through the scary thought of one of my kids having a brain tumor.
I can do hard things. I can. I do.

But what I can't do is be without Geoff! He's been gone for 3 weeks and I've got 2 more to go. Time can't move fast enough. I'm falling apart.
I'm so in love with my husband.

5 comments:

Stacey said...

It wouldn't let me leave my last comment. Anyways, I'll try to recreate! Sorry you have to be without him for so long. Brent's been gone 48 hrs and I'm ready to cave, I can't believe weeks and weeks, you're a tough woman! I'm glad you love him so, it's more fun that way! I need an email, text, message anything from you to fill me in! Hang in there!

kristi said...

Hi! I miss you in AZ and Nic really misses Wes!
You have been through so much and you are one of the strongest most positive person I know!
Sometimes I wonder about the saying what doesn't break us makes us stronger - I wonder how strong we need to get. I know Heavenly Father gives us trials to help us grow but sometimes it would be so nice to have an easy stretch to recover from all the current trials we all seem to have...
Thankgoodness for the love of great husbands, they get us through so much! I'm hoping Geoff gets back into your arms soon!
We miss you guys a real lot!

Susan said...

My mouth is hanging open. I read this and couldn't even comment. I hit the red X and walked away. It is TOO MUCH.
I wish I could just find my magic remote to fast forward the next two weeks for you. Then I'd need it back for a bit cause I have a feeling I'm going to want to delete this next year or so.

Hang tough. I think the world of you.

Kate said...

I'm sorry Lezlie! Tomorrow we will go for a girls night and get you through one more day without your honey. I love you! You CAN do this! Look how long you have done it so far. You are stronger than you think.
Love ya!

Krissy said...

OK Lezlie, I thought that it was hard having Matt gone for 4 months, but having Tom gone for a that long would drive me crazy too. You are welcome to call or come over if you can't stand the quiet while the kids are gone to school. I must admit, you are the toughest woman I know, You amaze me with all that you do and yet you keep such a positive attitude through it all. Big Hugs!