I have so much to catch up on. I feel like this post is a middle chapter of 100 and you may have no idea what the beginning was like. One day I'll go back a year or two. But today I've got to post what's on my mind. I think it was revelatory for me.
Let me first say that lots of my posts seem to have a downer mood. Life is crap right now!!! I won't even try to flower it up because it hasn't been flowery. It's been crap. BUT we have also found peace and yes, even happiness. We are happy.
We continue to be left wondering every month how we'll survive yet another week. With no work and limited funds coming in our bank account has suffered. (Friends and family- this is not a call for help). I remember better days when we had 3 successful businesses going. I would make a deposit twice a month and each time I had to make a deposit it took me 3 hours to put it together. We had tons of checks that all had to be matched against the accounts receivables. Then I had to make copies of each check and then enter them on my deposit slip. We had to special order deposit slips because there was not enough room to list all the checks. You know what?!!! I COMPLAINED about how long it took me to get a deposit together!!! Today I laugh. I have special order deposit slips with line after line to enter checks and I have 1 check to enter maybe once a month. We started a new business selling Italian Ice. LuLu's Italian Ice- www.LuLusIce.com. We travel to different shows and festivals selling our ice and custard. On good shows we come home and I have to wash out several buckets and they are a pain. One night after we came home from a sale I began to complain about washing out those darn buckets and I remembered my deposit experience. I haven't complained about washing out buckets again. Washing out buckets means that we sold out of ice and were blessed. Now I pray to have the chance to wash out as many buckets as possible.
My story is getting long so I better cut to the chase. Our numbers have been reduced. We don't even deposit 1/10th of what we used to. We would be elated if we were just able to maintain a balance of zero. Those overdraft fees really add up!
Our little family has seen such hard times in the last 3 years it really is amazing. In so many ways! The financial part is just a part of it- there has been so much happening- so much that we have faced together- so many struggles, trials and challenges. We are on empty in EVERY way. I have often thought why has it had to be SO hard. Why so much in such a relatively short amount of time? I know the adversary would like to have me and I also realize that some of these thoughts are what he has planted. Nonetheless these questions have often been on my mind. I can understand why the Lord would need to polish somebody. I totally get that. It's necessary and a huge blessing- in the end. We have just experienced SO MUCH.
So yesterday during Sunday school I had personal revelation. The lesson was on Gideon of the Old Testament. Here was the question thrown out at the classroom, "Why did the Lord command Gideon to reduce his army of 32,000 to 300 to fight the Midianites?" Well, we know why. So that the Israelites would trust the Lord and recognize that it was the Lord's power that delivered them and not in any way was it their own wisdom, strategy or power.
It hit me like a ton of bricks! I had been praying and searching for answers and I received it during Sunday School yesterday. The Lord has reduced our numbers, strength, pride, everything, so that when He brings us up and delivers us, we will know that it had nothing to do with our smarts, strength, strategy, power nor any of our abilities but everything to do with His power. Why does it have to be so hard? So that we will know when He rebuilds us that it was by His power.
As it seems right now- I can't see the end. The challenges and struggles still come but I believe with all of my heart that one day the Lord will deliver us and when He does my family will know how we were delivered.
20 hours ago